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[30 Aug 2004|01:44pm]

ok biotches, i was going to make this journal friends only but i have too many entries and that wouldnt work, so im making a new journal.... the username is


bum bum bummmmm


never_bend_easy... and it is friends only so im making a banner and posting it, then just comment to be added



ManderzZz <3

in your world of darkness

BOOM [29 Aug 2004|05:04pm]
[ mood | calm ]

the storm was awesome, even though i didn't hear most of it because i had my headphones on and was making bracelets.... oh well.....
i had to vaccuum today, i can't even vaccuum right i guess cuz my mom took it from me and did the rest of the downstairs after i had already finished, i wanted to scream in her face and ask her if i should stop breathing cuz im probably doing that wrong too, but i decided not to for my own social health....
tomorrow i am going down with danielle and ?rebecca? to yell at the people because our schedules are screwed... yeah they fixed that computer program alright... NOT!!!
and i still have decisions to make, like apper or plastic! ha anybody who knows me knows what im talking about
i watched secret window last night, good movie, kind of weird though, that guy needs some serious help, and a new name, what kind of name is morton? ha and shooter? or was it shoother?idk


im going to go watch whats left of the storm and then finish sitting around having no life, which i will never be done with
AHHH SCHOOL STARTS 3 DAYSS*runs away screaming with arms flailing over head* :-P i'm a weirdo




This damp air
is fighting my defroster
My sighs they ring victorious
fog this tinted glass
It's clouded
& so is my head
The hint of these new tears are sharp
I try to choke them back
But it's useless
I am useless against them
They are beating me with ease

2 let it be the sun|in your world of darkness

blah [28 Aug 2004|08:06pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

yeah ik third entry today... but the others were about nothing.... im bored...
yeah so my mom had this softball party thing today, why cant any of the people she plays softball with have children my age? that i can get along with? and not just be kids -10? blah....
me and danielle took off walking for no reason today.... i got this little mini pin downtown for my backpack... crap forgot what it says.... oh well... my memory stinks anyways, and on monday i am going with her so we can fix our schedules... i have no idea how i put in two spring semester gyms because global is an all year course.... i'm pretty sure, oh well.... ill fix it somehow...
and if anybody has any classes with me tell me? i need to know that the few friends i have are in at least one of my classes.....
oh yeah and it was really hot outside today... if it wasn't obvious i sat in the house all day to escape the blistering heat... well of course i refuse to wear shorts ever so i was wearing black jeans, how stupid of me... shows how much i deserve to be in all honors HAH
im going to die this year, i should never have taken all honors courses... bye bye social life, but thats my fault, i was stupid... im going to end up having an emotional breakdown or something and like overdose on my allergy medicine, if thats even possible... oh well....
yes i must go now, and you are saying, yesss shes finally leaving, whats she doing writing in this dang thing so much neways? she needs a life.... and yes i do.... but unfortunately, i dont have one i will try to get one, though having no life results in some delicious brownies...


<ManderzZz3 ;-)



all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me
to life

in your world of darkness

[28 Aug 2004|03:51pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I messed up posting it so here it is again



ok I had to attack an old lady for this(really my grandmother was holding the mail hostage and I jumped on her)
and I think it's kind of messed up

1- Earth Science Honors - w/  Fatiga
2- Earth Science Honors Lab w/  Fatiga (A)
2- PE Fall and Spring w/ Christolini (B)
3-Concert Band w/ Palange
4- Math A3 Honors w/ Torok(Fall Sem.)
4- Math B1 Honors (didnt say which teach) (Spring Sem.)

5- English 9 Honors w/ Runeari (Mr.)
6- Lunch
This is where it starts getting confusing
7- Global St. 9 Honors w/ Runeari (Mrs.) (Fall Sem.)
7- Global St. 9 Honors w/ Runeari (Mrs.) (B, Spring Sem.)
7- PE Spring (A)
Tell me that isn't confusing and if you understand it, please explain because I sure as hell don't
8- Studio In Art w/ Van Waldick
9- French 2 Honors w/ Hunt

And yes I was stupid and took all honors, I'm going to die :-/





Let me stay
Where the wind will
whisper to me
And the raindrops as they're falling
Tell a story...

2 let it be the sun|in your world of darkness

[28 Aug 2004|02:24pm]
[ mood | enraged ]

im waiting for the mail to get here.... i will attack the man of mail, in the worsd of kristen diment ;-)

mwahaha... anyways... all you bizotches stop asking me what my schedule is cuz i havent gotten it yet...



in your world of darkness

[27 Aug 2004|07:11pm]
[ mood | confused ]

im confused....and i'm not sure i should be writing this since it isnt friends only, but since danielle isnt an lj user and she reads it... here goes

ik there isn't much going on in my life right now to be so confused about, but with me as always, it's guy problems.... not so much problems as decisions... because, i really like this guy.... like alot... alot alot, and idk if i should date him or w/e.... and ik this is stupid putting my thoughts like this out for people to see but im just scared.... of the breakup... as always... stupid me... im making myself wayy to vulnerable posting this but oh well, putting my neck on the line isnt always what i do best, but oh well i dont care




You know you're all that I live for
You know I'd die just to hold you,
stay with you
Somehow I'll show you
That you are my nightsky

2 let it be the sun|in your world of darkness

time for a song! [27 Aug 2004|12:57pm]
[ mood | hot ]

I'd give anything to give me to you
Can you forget the world that you thought you knew
If you want me,
Come and find me

Nothing's stopping you so please release me

All your lies
Just pretend you love me
Make believe
Close your eyes
I'll be anything for you

Nothing left to make me feel anymore
There's only you
and everyday I need more
If you want me
Come and find me
I'll do anything you say just tell me

All your lies
Just pretend you love me
Close your eyes
I'll be anything for you

All your lies
pretend you love me
Make believe
Close your eyes
I'll be anything for you

Anything for you
I'll become your earth and sky
Forever never die
I'll be everything you need

I'll believe
All your lies
Just pretend you love me
Make believe
Close your eyes
I'll be anything for you

in your world of darkness

[26 Aug 2004|09:37pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

jsut got back from band.... had a few very depressing moments but all in all, im not like wicked low again... thats good... but tierny is still a dickhead.... "this is not the oswego band i know..." he doesnt even knwo most of us that well so hes a liar oh well
i went down to the high school today to decorate my locker with danielle... she found lip gloss in her locker that had been there all summer, hehe good times.... it was pretty funny....
people like my brownies.... lol.... i cant believe someon actually liked the food i made weird.... oh well... haha ashleys cookies got stolen... who would be low enough to steal food, oh wait i woudl.... but i didnt steal them but food rocks so...yeah.... i'll stop rambling now hehe




Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.
Lie to me,

Convince me that I've been sick forever.
And all of this,
Will make sense when I get better.
But I know the difference,
Between myself and my reflection.
I just can't help but to wonder,
Which of us do you love.



wow thats a long one

2 let it be the sun|in your world of darkness

[26 Aug 2004|03:11pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

5:20... high school.... i'm bringing brownies....



2 let it be the sun|in your world of darkness

[25 Aug 2004|09:31pm]
[ mood | bored ]

so heres the dentist at 12:30 - you'll get the feeling back in about two hours
2:30.... still can't feel my face
dentists are so unpredictable:-P actually its the novacaine thats undpredictable
ill say what i said last night..... but make it different... tierny is a dorky doofus who needs both anger management and voice box removal....
sooooo we learned the beginning of our show today, free form! i make a pose like a mermaid at the front of a ship.... i am such a dork i really need a life lol.... but then the bad part comes.... i get molested by one of those rope thingies that the color guard people use :-O it is extremely weird.... and the first time it scared em soo much i went into a laughing fit that lasted about, 10 minutes maybe? extremely weird and scary.....
and i didnt even get to kidnap danielle! tomorrow i am... maybe ill phone-nap my dads cell phone and call random people when im down there mwahaha
im going to sit at my computer and have no life then get yelled at for not getting off on time now... woot



Long lost words whisper slowly to me
Still can't find what keeps me here
When all this time I've been so hollow inside
I know you're still there

6 let it be the sun|in your world of darkness

[25 Aug 2004|12:38pm]
[ mood | numb ]

i jsut got back from the dentist... i got two fillings and can't feel my face cuz of the stupid novacaine lol.... oh well thats not a bad thing.... they shouldve destroyed my face i wouldnt have cared haha
im going to call danielle and go down to the high school cuz im a ubernerd and put this shelf thingy in my locker.... but first i have to find the combination and take some aspirin cuz that drilling gave me a headache.... my ears are still ringing :-P


p.s. last night was memorable but i couldnt write in here cuz my comp was gay... i learned to like myself..a little bit at least....with help of course hehe

Rest in me and I'll comfort you
I have lived and I died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I will never forsake you

2 let it be the sun|in your world of darkness

[24 Aug 2004|09:42pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

just got back from band.... i think the only part i actually like about is it the people i meet/seeing my friends, the few, that i already have..... the marching part sucks tierny is a doofus who needs anger management and it makes my feet hurt.... roar
oh well.....
today i went out to staples and got like a locker shelf and all that stuff because im an uber-nerd and tomorrow i will kidnap danielle, and anyone else i can steal from their homes under their parents noses, and go down to the high school and decorate my locker, but first i have to find the combination they gave us at orientation because i am a retard and have lost it already, i know it ahs a three in it.... oh well....
i think i'll shut up now because i talk to much and write in this stupid thing now.........

2 let it be the sun|in your world of darkness

[23 Aug 2004|12:07pm]
[ mood | sore ]

yeah.... i haev no life still woot! and i am scum because i ran yesterday until i almost passed out and im still sore but oh well, i haev to wear myself out physically whenever im upset so i can completely forget about my emotional pain that i would be feeling... im weird like that


I tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
I lay dying
and I’m pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I’m dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved
am I too lost?

7 let it be the sun|in your world of darkness

softball... SUCKS [22 Aug 2004|03:59pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

well yeah i'm back from my softball games... i'm sooooo glad the season is over, and if theres a 14/u league next year im not sure ill even play, summer sports is suppsoed to be having fun, but being stuck in the outfield and not really playing any position that i want to(mainly pitcher even though i suck but i get no chance to prove myself) and that added to the fact that i swing the bat and bruise my back! great....
anyways, we lost both of our games, the first game 7-2 and the second game we lost by the mercy rule, and if any of you bizotches dont know what that is its if one team is up by 15 runs or more(i think its 15 it might have been changed to like 10 or something) then the game is over the second team automatically forfeits.... and that was my team because we had two outfielders and i could barely run....blah


I hold my breath as this life starts to take its toll
I hide behind a smile as this perfect plan unfolds
But oh, God, I feel I've been lied to
Lost all faith in the things I have achieved

2 let it be the sun|in your world of darkness

[21 Aug 2004|09:32pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

yeah ehre we go again, my mood is at an all time low... goody... oh well, just hope i don't do anything destructive
anyways... this is kind of tomorrows entry because i have softball games... and my mom probably wont let me on the computer because shell make up some sort of excuse to keep me away from my social life, not that i have one for her to keep me away from, ill say ti again saturday night home alone with my fag of a brother... i have done nothing all day except a graduation party that had so fucking bored...
i should see what jumping off a cliff is like, but knowing me i'll forget my keeping-me-up-in-the-air apparatis.... oh well....
anybody whoreads this... which will be probably no one cuz who gives a fuck about my life anyways... can feel free to call tomorrow whenever i might be home cuz there will probably be no point for me to play in softball cuz my coach doesnt like me and ive barely played at any games this season ill probably end up being on the bench anyways, and even if i do playi wont do any good because i suck at softball... grrr
i'll go sit upstairs in my room isolated from the rest of the world.... i am anyways....
ScReW iT




Fallen angels at my feet
Whispered voices at my ear
Death before my eyes
Lying next to me I fear
She beckons me
Shall I give in
Upon my end shall I begin
Forsaking all I've fallen for
I rise to meet my end

2 let it be the sun|in your world of darkness

[21 Aug 2004|06:04pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Seven things you love:
1) my trampoline
2) softball
3) the few buddiezZz i have
4) cds
6) comp

Seven things you hate:
1) hypocrits(haha that's being hypocritical to ahte hypocrites)
2) my brother
3) cold weather
4) school
5) not being happy
6) babysitting little kids WHO WON'T LISTEN roar
7) getting up for school?

Seven things in your room:
1) my sterio that rocks
2) a mirror.. (broken? no i never look in it)
3) about a gazillion books on and off my bookshelf
4) lots of that smelly spray stuff... yum
5) pictures
6) the tv/vcr that i smuggled from downstairs and will get in trouble for once my mom finds out
7) this fun rolley chair.... it amuses me though i fall off it often

Seven things to do before death:
1) go to a good school....
2) get a good job
3) move out of this small town
4) going to those countries from which i originated? (france, italy, ireland, poland...)
5) get married(i'll be and old maid probably but oh well)
6) send my parents to a nice retirement home in florida(made possible by #2)
7) learn how to make decent brownies(that will make danielle happy)

Seven things you can do:
1) annoy people
2) trash talk myself :-)
3) play my clarinet?
4) slap pretty fucking hard
5) back flips on trampoline woot
6) backhandsprings..(not as good as 6th rgade but i still got it!)
7) not study and get nineties on a test(i love that one)

Seven things you can't do:
1) sing?
2) run long distance
3) can't run short distance either (run in general)
4) kick jenn's head, that hurt last time i tried
5) actually think something positive about myself, or love myself, or even like myself
6) obey my mother and not stay on the computer and phone as longer tha i'm supposed to
7) express my feelings, to anyone, even my parents, about anything, even, guys :-O

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex:
1) personality
2) how easy they are to talk to
3) i don't have to do all the talking? makes me very self conscious
4) their attitude towards other people, mainly my friends and their own
5) if they're smart or not, that helps to be able to carry a conversation
6) not being completely full of themselves....
7) how they treat me...

Top seven movies: (no order)
1) Lion King
2) Legally Blond
3) A Walk To Remember
5) Scary Movie 3
6) Princess Diaries (1)
7) Mulan...

Top seven words you say most:
1) durr
2) woot
3) ew
4) *curse words*
5) screw that(more of a phrase but i say it a hell of a lot)
6) grrr
7) mwahahaha(also known as evil laugh)

in your world of darkness

[21 Aug 2004|05:35pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

Pacific sun, you should have warned us, it gets so cold here
And the night can freeze before you set in on fire

And our flares go unnoticed
Diminished, faded just as soon as they are fired

We are, we are intrigued. We are, we are, invisible.

Oh how we've shouted, how we've screamed
Take notice, take interest, take me with you

But all our fears fall on deaf ears

Tonight they'er burning the roads they built to lead us to light
And blinding our hearts with their shining lies
While closing our caskets cold and tight.But I'm dying to live.

Pacific sun, you should have warned us, these heights are dizzying
And the climb can kill you long before the fall

And our trails go unmarked and unmapped and uncovered
Just as soon as they are crossed

We are, we are, intriguing. We are, we are, desirable.

Oh how we've shouted, how we've screamed
Take notice, take interest, take me with you

But all our fears fall on deaf ears

Tonight, they're burning the roads they built to lead us to light
And blinding our hearts with their shining lies
While closing our caskets cold and tight. But I'm dying to live...



today was boring and there's nothing to write about so i put that song up... a little more happy than evanescence.... although happy is not my main mood lately... of course its saturday night and i have no plans cuz i have no life.... yeah so i'm really bored and lonely cuz NO ONE IS ON
PeAcIn OuT

2 let it be the sun|in your world of darkness

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